Ask Paul B: Are You Kidding? Halloween Is Over, And This Relationship Should Be Over, Too

Dear Paul B,

I have been dating for years, and I seem to meet some strange individuals. I am really not that picky, but I really like this guy who has a few issues. Just need to know if I am barking up the wrong tree. “Ken” is a manager of a motel about 45 miles from here. He says he likes the work but would take something else with better benefits if it was available. He is 35 and tells me little about his Mom and one sister. His apartment is a little creepy, because it is dark with a few artistic pictures that are of people he doesn’t know. I saw a picture in a frame of a young couple, and he told me that it came with the frame (I thought he was joking,) and said he thought they looked happy. His cat limps and is very mean but Ken said he only bites people he doesn’t like (I don’t know if Jiggy likes me, so…..) Ken seems to care about me and calls me all the time, but often at 2:30 or even twice at 4:12, and said he couldn’t sleep. He cooks for me, but his dishes and glasses are dirty and I am worried that I could catch something, so I try to bring my own silverware and I ask for a paper cup. Ken is a good boyfriend, because he takes care of me. I don’t think my best friend likes him, because she said he is too weird. I think I can change him in time. My parents have not met him, Shouldn’t I bring him around to meet my folks? It’s been four-and-one-half months now. This is funny…he bought me a shawl for our 1/3 anniversary, but there is a stain on it.. and he said he can’t remember which store he stole it from. He really cracks me up. What should I do, Paul B?

Eve

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Dear Eve,

Well, you said you weren’t picky, but Ken sounds like a scarier version of Norman Bates from Psycho. If any of this is true, then YOU, Eve, should become more particular with your dates. You believe that you will change Ken; from what to what? First off, consider the fact that he must become human first, and that’s a pretty tall order. He is too creepy to even discuss. If his cat doesn’t eat you while you are napping, then Ken will certainly be removing all of your blood after bludgeoning you one night, much sooner than you think. Take a pass on “Ken,” and see if John Gayce has any living nephews; they would be a noticeable upgrade for you… Just don’t let that guy take you down in the basement for a house tour…

Paul B

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