Ask Paul B: Loss After Loss After Loss

Dear Paul B,

I am only 36, and I have just come to the conclusion that I will be alone. My Dad passed away 3 months ago (from Cancer) and my Mother (who had just turned 60) died late last year from Ovarian Cancer. I had two brothers, one of which lives in Oregon, and we rarely talk at all. I was very close to Elliott, who overdosed 6 years ago at 36 years old. He left a wife and 3 year old little girl. He and I were so very close. I just feel so lonely, sad, and realize that I will not be able to share my life with my folks or late brother from here on in. I try to stay positive, but it has become very difficult. Please help me figure this out.

Char

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Dear Sweet Lady,

There are few words to console you for the loss of three family members. A Mother, Father and Brother are close beyond words. It is as though a huge piece of you has been sliced off. I know how it feels. I too have lost a parent (59) and a sister (25,) and you will always miss them. But somehow we realize how even more important our lives become as we are their “beacon” and their surrogate life partners since their loss. How sad would they be if they could discover how sad and lost we are when we are the last vestige of their existence? We must overcome the angst and forge ahead with our dreams, our goals and our lives. They are watching, and we cannot disappoint them, Char. I think about my sis and Dad daily, if only for a moment or two, and I am uplifted by their smiles and encouragement. They are with me always, as are your folks and brother. Try to reach out to your niece and sister-in-law. Tell your s-i-l that you would like to be closer and try to begin a relationship. You have nothing to lose, right? Peace.

Paul B.

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