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Ask Paul B: Being a Gentleman Goes A Long Way

Wed September 10 2014 4:54 pm
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Dear Paul B,

I am a an “older 28 year old.” I have always been a polite, caring, generous person. Perhaps, my family and our roots are the reason for my softer side. I am a full time RN at a Chicagoland hospital, where I have been employed for about three years. Recently, other nurses have fixed me up with “friends, brothers, and others,” and I am personally horrified by the results. And it is not just a few dates…it was nine. Only one of these “men” showed enough class to open a door, and engage in any type of interesting, lucid, conversation. These mopes showed little or no interest in my work, while I asked numerous questions of them. Am I back in the 50’s when women didn’t work? I most likely make a bit more than these guys, so perhaps they were a bit intimidated, but I assure you I am NOT that way at all. I approached these fix ups with open eyes, and an open mind. What I received was some most memorable evenings…in the worst way imaginable. One date didn’t have enough for dinner, AFTER he ordered a very expensive steak and a few cocktails. He did leave a tip (I believe it was six dollars) which was way below expectations. I am not a snob, nor am I closed off in any way. I like to have fun, but I am perplexed at the selection of men out there, and these were “friends” who know me. When I asked them “what they were thinking,” they told me that my expectations were too high. These guys were about my age, so they weren’t way too young for me. What do you think of this situation, Paul B.?


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Dear D,

You are not the first to clue me in on “the dating scene” of today. I truly believe that most males are not sensitive to a woman’s needs, at least not until they are 30 or so. Males, (as well as females) come in all shapes, sizes, and upbringings. You obviously need to date some older men, perhaps 31 to 36. This is NOT to admit that there are no men for you your age, but I do feel that some of these twenty eight or so year old’s are still in “party form,” and are don’t recognizing a serious woman, such as yourself. From your letter, I have the hunch that you are ready to settle down with the right man, and therefore, you need “better friends” to fix you up, or you need to get out there and meet others, through networking, dances, or perhaps through some of the doctors that you work with. You do need to be out there to meet others. Nobody will come knocking at your door. Keep your chin up, you’ll find your knight…..Stay positive…

Paul B

Music video by Bonnie Tyler performing Holding Out For A Hero. (C) 2013 BBC Worldwide Limited under exclusive license to Sony Music Entertainment UK Limited.


ASK PAUL B! usually appears on Thursday evenings, but occasionally appears on other days or times so the article might be introduced to new readers.

Advice is offered for general discussion. Any advice from a columnist or someone who has never actually met you is not guaranteed to be fit for your particular situation. While the advice might help send you in the right direction to find a solution to your problem, missing information or lack of specific dialogue might cause you harm, or delay a solution to your problem. Never use this advice as the sole replacement for advice from a physician, psychologist or other health professional or other professional. The information provided through any post or Ask Paul B! post is not a substitute for health, legal and other professional advice where specific facts and circumstances warrant additional personal attention. If any reader requires legal advice, health advice or other professional assistance, each reader should always consult his or her own legal, health professional, or other professional advisors and discuss the facts and circumstances that specifically apply to the user. Consider the topics discussed as a part of your overall experience for your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Don’t hesitate to get help when you might need professional help.

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