Ask Paul B: “Just Friends” and Learning to Say No

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Dear Paul B,

I am now twenty, and I am maturing each day. I have a very good job, and I am saving a lot. I have a girlfriend who watches me like a hawk. She doesn’t like when I go with my friends, but I really need to. She is a great girl, and I think we make a good couple. I still like to talk to other girls, but she gets mad at me. I was with another girl for just a couple of hours, and she and I decided to just be friends. Gail found out and is very angry with me. I bought her flowers and a gift certificate but she’s still mad at me. Overall, I have been a terrific boyfriend. My Dad told me that girls are very sensitive and insecure about other girls. I am trying my best, but she’s acting very immature and will NOT accept my apology at all. Should I give up? My friends say she is being too hard on me and that she needs to grow up.

Getting Silent Treatment.

Dear GST,

Here’s something you may NOT want to hear. You are BOTH immature. Gail should not expect you to be mature, because basically, YOU’RE NOT!! You spend “just a few hours” with some female who was pursuing you, and SHE is the party at fault? Reality check!!! You are not ready for a steady girl yet, and I do stress GIRL. You need to grow up, and a good job does not make you a MAN. There are many pretty girls and many are very aggressive. They make it tough for someone your age to say “no thanks, I am in love.” You may end up with Gail, but you need to check your maturity level, and recognize the sacrifices you need to make to decide on a mate, at twenty. My best guess is that you are not even close to ready. Your Dad was right about girls being insecure about the competition, but how would you feel if Gail was alone with some other guy for two hours? Take a good hard look in the mirror, Sport. You both need some time apart to discover some long and short term goals. No harm, no foul…right?

Paul B

Music video by Ready For The World performing Oh Sheila. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander (Did he say Geese?). (C) 1985 Geffen Records.


ASK PAUL B! usually appears on Thursday evenings, but occasionally appears on other days or times so the article might be introduced to new readers.

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