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Ask Paul B: A Worthy Note About Parents

Fri March 21 2014 12:48 pm
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Dear Paul B,

While going through my Moms things last month, I came across a letter that was written to my kid sister and I. It was written about tens years ago. I wish that she would have either read it or delivered it to us then. To be honest with you, I don’t believe that I have ever been so moved by a letter in my life (I am 58.) Mom and we kids were close, but she had a wonderful flair for writing that nobody was aware of. My Dad passed many years ago, and I knew that their union was not “a match made in heaven.” They got along well enough, but I never saw them hold hands, kiss or even a faint display of emotion towards one another. Like many marriages, they were from the same parish, they were introduced, and they moved from their respective parental homes to their first apartment as a married couple. Couples had no ” life experiences” back then, especially at 21 years of age. They tolerated one another, and had entirely different goals, dreams, intellectual levels and values. They did, however love their children.

Mom wrote that the proudest moments in her life surrounded Sherry and I. Our musical talents shone through whenever we played at school or even at middle-school graduation (I played Born Free … remember that one?) We met our religious studies and obligations, and we went religiously, every Monday, Thursday and Sunday. Mom wrote “You can’t be selfish as a parent, because it will be felt 50 fold. You have to give everything to your children…and more. Teach them about being a good person, helping others, and try to do your best…always. It’s never good to lie, and respect your elders, because you’ll never be successful otherwise.” She wrote of taking care of us on a daily basis, and being a stay-at-home home, she was always there for us. She played hop scotch, and catch with us in front of our home. She wrote of my sisters first day of school; following her, even though she wanted to do it alone. Mom always kept us clean, well fed, and prepared for school. These were her fondest memories, and I am so glad to have found this treasure of a letter. I have made copies for several relatives, and just wanted to share some of her wisdom with you and your readers.



Dear Pam,

This comes to me at a very emotional time in MY LIFE. Helping my 92 year old Mom, after hip surgery, and now with signs of early Dementia, to adjust to assisted living. She lived on her own (and even drove) until just five months ago. I can imagine how others have felt before me. Our folks take care of us, and we unfortunately can take this for granted. It is a daunting task, both physically and emotionally, to now care for them. They deserve our best effort. They were always there for us. We cannot forget that a memory loss doesn’t represent any loss of love…

Paul B

John Barry “Born Free” original soundtrack.


ASK PAUL B! usually appears on Thursday evenings, but occasionally appears on other days or times so the article might be introduced to new readers.

Advice is offered for general discussion. Any advice from a columnist or someone who has never actually met you is not guaranteed to be fit for your particular situation. While the advice might help send you in the right direction to find a solution to your problem, missing information or lack of specific dialogue might cause you harm, or delay a solution to your problem. Never use this advice as the sole replacement for advice from a physician, psychologist or other health professional or other professional. The information provided through any post or Ask Paul B! post is not a substitute for health, legal and other professional advice where specific facts and circumstances warrant additional personal attention. If any reader requires legal advice, health advice or other professional assistance, each reader should always consult his or her own legal, health professional, or other professional advisors and discuss the facts and circumstances that specifically apply to the user. Consider the topics discussed as a part of your overall experience for your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Don’t hesitate to get help when you might need professional help.

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