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Ask Paul B: “She’s REALLY Special!”

Thu February 14 2013 8:08 am  https://www.arlingtoncardinal.com/?p=59338
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Dear Paul B,

Nobody quite understands me, so perhaps you can help the “others” understand. I was raised here in Arlington Heights and wanted for nothing. My grades were always excellent, and I was called the “perfect child,” by my parents and even my older sister. I am caring, generous, career oriented, and I see myself as the perfect partner. I just turned 37 and I am getting divorced. This is my second marriage and everyone tells me that I should call it quits. I am determined to get out there and continue to prove them wrong. Relationships are quite complex, and men are not as flexible, respectful, understanding, or as loving as generations past. I am a beautiful women (everyone tells me so,) and I can meet men any time I want. I have not had children, but I eventually hope to have at least two. You need to encourage me to continue the “search,” because I get no support from my family. They tell me that it takes two to tango, and that I need to pick my fights. I am not a fighter, but I will always stand up for what is right. My Dad has constantly told me that men find me intimidating. I can’t help that, can I? I have to be myself. Thanks, Paul B.

Carrie

++++++++++++++++

Dear Carrie,

I have changed your name to protect you from what you’re about to hear. You have asked for my help, but you may not be pleased with my response. I know your Mom through her letters, and she loves you very much. You must know that everyone has flaws, habits, insecurities and “limits.” When you are involved in a relationship, you need to acknowledge your partners personality traits, needs, desires, and act accordingly. What I stress to everyone is that “we all need to be flexible, be accepting where one lacks, become tolerant of one another, and strongly consider that people don’t change all that much throughout life. I’ve been to the alter three times, and I can tell you that marriage is constant work. It requires constant attention, nourishment, reassuring your partner of your love, listening and understanding, respect and acceptance. So few couples realize that there are many difficulties and stress in relationships today. You must realize that your beauty does not allow you any allowances in ill treatment of a spouse. People need to respect one another and “pick your fights,” rather than argue every issue under the sun. If you truly love one another, then please demonstrate it. Communicate often about important issues, but please don’t try to totally change a person…Once we become 25 or 30, you pretty much get what you see. Nobody is PERFECT— Remember that….

Paul B

ABOUT ASK PAUL B! … WRITE PAUL B! …

ASK PAUL B! usually appears on Thursday evenings, but occasionally appears on other days or times so the article might be introduced to new readers.

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Advice is offered for general discussion. Any advice from a columnist or someone who has never actually met you is not guaranteed to be fit for your particular situation. While the advice might help send you in the right direction to find a solution to your problem, missing information or lack of specific dialogue might cause you harm, or delay a solution to your problem. Never use this advice as the sole replacement for advice from a physician, psychologist or other health professional or other professional. The information provided through any Arlingtoncardinal.com post or Ask Paul B! post is not a substitute for health, legal and other professional advice where specific facts and circumstances warrant additional personal attention. If any reader requires legal advice, health advice or other professional assistance, each reader should always consult his or her own legal, health professional, or other professional advisors and discuss the facts and circumstances that specifically apply to the user. Consider the topics discussed as a part of your overall experience for your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Don’t hesitate to get help when you might need professional help.

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