Ask Paul B: Father Daughter Reunion-Special

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Dear Paul B,

A special Father’s Day yesterday — My Dad was never around much as a kid, and I was told that he didn’t really care much for us (I have two sisters.) He would leave early, and come home late, and my Mom told us he was a terrible man, and never loved us at all. I don’t remember him much, but I do know that he would always pick me up on his shoulders and walk around the house and drop me in my bed and sing sometimes. He would sing Beatles or Bee Gees (because I still remember the songs after 15 years. As it turns out, Dad always worked two or three jobs, and also had a drug dependency problem. He did his best and my Mom, as I learned later on from a cousin, that she had a few boyfriends and didn’t treat my Dad too well. She moved us away and sold our house, but my Dad wasn’t allowed to come see us. I was able to track him down with my boyfriend and we met — on Father’s Day! We talked, he cried, I cried, and he told me that he felt terrible about not being there to watch us grow up. He knew about our Mom, and her other men, and I realized that he really loves me. I was so glad that I was able to find him, and have him in my life. We ‘clicked’, and I love him very much. Some people just take the wrong path in life, and I feel bad that he couldn’t crawl out from all those drugs that were bringing him down. My one sister also met with him, and she too sees what I see. My middle sister is still very angry about Dad, but my Mom coaches her on hate and won’t let Abbey think on her own. I am working on her, but I just wanted to tell everyone that people, especially Dads–need a second chance. Everyone does, don’t they?

Brenda

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Dear Brenda,

You sound young, but you have the heart and mind of an older person. You are truly a good Samaritan, and recognize the importance of a parent in your life. Certainly your Dad has gone through his pain and tribulations in his life, it must have been difficult for him to complete the transformation back to civilization. Drugs can end a persons life, but he was fortunate to have risen to the occasion. Now that you have “found” one another, and your sister as well, you must all spend time together mending all your collective wounds. I am sure that you need him as much as he needs you. If your Mother pulls the “him or me routine,” then you have to tell her to grow up and insist that you can love both of your parents. I have always professed that you can NEVER, EVER have too many people to love, and vice versa. I am happy for your “discovery.” Tell your boyfriend that YOU are a gem, and I am a gemologist!

Paul B

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