Ask Paul B: Trying Too Hard?

Dear Paul B,

I have been trying so darn hard to save my marriage. I buy groceries, and I clean kitchen all the time. I travel very much for my job, so I really can’t be around to help out. My new wife works part time (7 hours a week) as a piano teacher, so she helps out. She tells me that she is lonely and feels insecure. We dated for about 19 months, and I traveled even more then, so I don’t get it. I went out and even bought her a really nice bracelet (it cost $1250.) She still cries and tells me she thought marriage would be different. Her Mother called me and told me that we should move closer to her so that Kit can be safer and more comfortable. We live in a great area, and my office is 25 minutes away. If we move to Bolingbrook, it will take me over an hour and 10 minutes to arrive at work. I may have to move, but I don’t want to. What would you do?

Craig

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Dear Craig,

I don’t think you want to know what I would do, but I will tell you anyway. You seem like a very sensitive, loving, generous, “do it all” type of husband. Why then, are you wasting your time, gifts, attention, and “love” on this cry-baby. She sounds quite immature, needy, and when you mentioned moving near HER FAMILY—it is SO time to consider splitting up. You don’t mention children, which can and are a major problem. I know you are a good person, and you want to “work it out,” but I think you’re up against it, Craig. She sounds immovable and if you move near her Mom, then you will really be unhappy. She needs to suck it up and find herself a life. She needs to work more than sixty minutes per day. She is bored, and should be productive. Kit is very attached to her Mother, which is not normal now that you are married. I believe, and this is just a hunch, that her Mommy is not your friend. You and Kit might sit down with a marriage counselor (one that you both like,) where you can discuss your issues. You can’t change the spots on a dog, right? Good luck, but remember, life is short, so don’t spend years trying to fix the un-fixable.

Paul B

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