Ask Paul B: Every Relationship Is The Same?

(1/from wife) Dear Paul B,

My parents were a great couple. They always agreed on everything. If my Dad wanted a “green den,” then the walls would be green. If my Mom wanted to go to the Dells for a long weekend, it was The Dells. When there was a disagreement about something, it was decided quickly and nobody fought or was angry. I always thought that this was reality. My husband and I are married almost two years, and all we do is fight, and it’s often quite loud. He does not know how to discuss anything, he just wants his way all the time. I don’t know how long I can take this xxxx. He was much different when we dated. What should I do?

Anne L.

[PAUL B: I also heard from Derrick, and here is his take on the “action” from his perspective.]

(2/from Husband) Dear Paul B,

Did you ever think that your nightmares could come true? Well, mine have. I have been “married” to a meddler for 2000 years, or is it two years. She has to interrupt everything that I say and do. If we go out for a turkey sandwich, she wants to know why I didn’t have the chicken. If I ordered the chicken (which I did a week later,) she told me to get the turkey. I think she is trying to force me into killing her. She just can’t sit there and be quiet. I don’t bother her about anything. I am happy by myself and don’t need someone that meddles in every decision that I make. When I surprised her with a Hawaiian honeymoon, she immediately said that Fiji is supposed to be prettier and less expensive. She is ridiculous!

I don’t mind sharing in a marriage, but I didn’t expect this crazy xxxxxx. There is no way that any man could ever enjoy this relationship, unless he is weak and worthless.

D.L.

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Dear Kids,

So kids, there you have it. Why in the heck did these two get married anyway? Since there are no children, it’s not as though they “HAD TO.” I have nothing to suggest here, because it doesn’t seem that this is going to work out, but that’s me. Anne needs to be in charge (and then some,) and Derrick is not “that guy.” Some people feel that it is their
“job” to flap their gums until bedtime. At the very same time, a relationship/marriage involves the skills of negotiation, tolerance, sacrifice and commitment. Take it from someone who has “mutliple marriages,” it’s all about options, and we all have them. Envision yourself with that person for 60 years. Are they your best friend, or even close to it? Don’t get married just to have someone!!

BTW—Do NOT expect your relationship/marriage to mirror anyone else’s. Every person is different, every relationship requires a special “dynamic” and appropriate needs and skills.

Paul B.

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