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Ask Paul B: Overcoming Loss and Intimacy Blackmail

Thu May 13 2010 8:29 pm
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Overcoming Loss

Dear Paul B,

My daughter has been gone for over 5 years now. We never got along, and we always fought because she wanted to be grown up (at 12.) I knew she was drinking, having sex with boys and even with a 28 year old neighbor, but she wouldn’t listen to me. When she left when she was 14, I called the police and they can’t find her. She called me about 4 months after that and I told her she was a horrible kid and could only come back here under my rules. I never heard back from her. I am sick over my decision and I think she could be dead now. I can’t sleep and I think about her all the time.



Dear Darlene,

A sad story, no doubt. Are you to blame, I am not certain of that. As parents, we are dealt some difficult “cards” at times, and we do our best to play out the hand. Kids are torn every which way today and they often fall into a downward spiral, and nobody can help them recover from it. I don’t know you or your daughter personally, but you have to believe that she is alive and trying to deal with her inner demons. She seemed to grow up pretty fast, and many kids are very “street smart” very fast. I think that she will one day realize that her Mom and family are her saviors and love her unconditionally. She will return to you, so keep the faith kiddo. I too will pray for her…

Paul B.

Wife Withholds Boom Boom for Goodies

Dear Paul B,

You have always had the answers, so try this one on. I am measurably successful (I earn $72,575 yearly.) I am a great Dad, as well as a terrific husband (in my estimation.) During my 11 years of wedded bliss (and I say that with tongue in cheek) I am astounded by Lindsey’s use of “boomboom” to get what she wants. It will be months before I visit the teepee, and when I agree to a new counter-top, she is all over me. If she pouts for a trip to Nasau and we can’t afford it, I am out of luck once again, and she is “not interested in boomboom.” I feel as though she uses our intimacy as blackmail when she wants material goods and vacations, etc. Is it me?


Dear Ben Ben Ben,

Wake up my friend. Is it you? Sure its YOU, and its Lindsey and its working for HER!!! You obviously enjoy this little game that she plays to perfection, because at $73K you can’t be THIS naive! If you THINK that these tribal visits to the “teepee” are coincidental, then you are grossly overpaid by your employer. If you are seriously ticked-off by this childish and immature use of sex for cash or “whats behind door number 3,” then have a sit down, and make it known. This relationship is akin to living with a hooker, except she won’t leave when you’re done, and besides you can “do the job” for a lot less than a $4000 granite countertop. If you’re not pulling my leg, let her know you are “onto her” literally and figuratively (if you know what I mean, you Meathead!).

Paul B.


Advice is offered for general discussion. Any advice from a columnist or someone who has never actually met you is not guaranteed to be fit for your particular situation. While the advice might help send you in the right direction to find a solution to your problem, missing information or lack of specific dialogue might cause you harm, or delay a solution to your problem. Never use this advice as the sole replacement for advice from a physician, psychologist or other health professional or other professional. The information provided through any post or Ask Paul B! post is not a substitute for health, legal and other professional advice where specific facts and circumstances warrant additional personal attention. If any reader requires legal advice, health advice or other professional assistance, each reader should always consult his or her own legal, health professional, or other professional advisors and discuss the facts and circumstances that specifically apply to the user. Consider the topics discussed as a part of your overall experience for your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Don’t hesitate to get help when you might need professional help.

The views of Ask Paul B! are not necessarily the views of The Cardinal —

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