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Ask Paul B: Get Away from Physical Abuse …

Thu May 27 2010 9:01 pm
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Dear Paul B,

You know my family, so please don’t mention me by name. I am married for 14 years to a man that I hardly know. He Was a generous, wonderful, fun-loving man for the first 4 years or so, and then the trouble started. He would just come up and slug me in the arm at first, or just push me down and make a joke out of it. Then, when I didn’t imagine it was a problem, he would really sock me hard in the stomach, or just punch me in the back, or kick me really hard in my butt. Then I started to make an issue out of it. I sleep in the basement, and I lock the door (which is a little unsafe) so that I am away from him. He and I haven’t spoke much in months except for a few words here and there. I am hoping this will teach him a lesson. I didn’t tell you that my Dad was worse than my husband. He would really slam my Mom around every other day. He broke her arm twice (bending it) and knocked out many teeth. Is this a coincidence? I am stunned by his actions, and am trying to save this union.



Dear B,

You are in big trouble, and don’t think a “locked door” will save you from this man. It always starts with just a little punch or a push or an arm-twisting. Usually these wounds occur where nobody can view them. When you allow this abuse over and over, you have “allowed and authorized” this sick, abusive, and mentally ill person to continue the beatings. Get your self out of the house asap. Gather just what you need and stay with family or friends, anywhere safe. See the police and file a report of this horrible abuse. Call a lawyer as well. This letter may very well have saved your life. I guarantee you B, there are tens of thousands of women who have died at the hands of these abusive relationships who waited way too long!

Keep me posted. I will help you in any way that I can. You are lucky there are no children in your house to worry about. Strange how people from abusive families area attracted to men or women that share the same traits. You were drawn to your husband through your subconscious self, and it was not your fault. Please do not listen to any apologies from him; its a trap! He needs help and may NEVER be normal. Your family and friends — as well as skilled professionals — will help you stay safe and far away from this man. Good luck dear.

Paul B


Advice is offered for general discussion. Any advice from a columnist or someone who has never actually met you is not guaranteed to be fit for your particular situation. While the advice might help send you in the right direction to find a solution to your problem, missing information or lack of specific dialogue might cause you harm, or delay a solution to your problem. Never use this advice as the sole replacement for advice from a physician, psychologist or other health professional or other professional. The information provided through any post or Ask Paul B! post is not a substitute for health, legal and other professional advice where specific facts and circumstances warrant additional personal attention. If any reader requires legal advice, health advice or other professional assistance, each reader should always consult his or her own legal, health professional, or other professional advisors and discuss the facts and circumstances that specifically apply to the user. Consider the topics discussed as a part of your overall experience for your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Don’t hesitate to get help when you might need professional help.

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