Living a Lie Might Not Work For You … and You Might Regret It

Dear Paul B,

You have been there for my grandparents with some sound advice a few years back, and I now have a tough one for you. I am 15 and have always been a great student, an excellent friend, and tried to be a good son. My Dad, who is Croatian and still has a thick accent, always wanted me to be just like him. I am definitely not like him at all. He is very masculine, very good at sports, and is liked by all the women, but he is loyal to my Mom. I have two sisters, but he has always shown more love for me. In the past few years, I am learning that I am not the “boy” that he wants me to be. I try to make him happy, but I am terrible at sports, and do not enjoy watching them either. I really like music and food. The other part of my problem is that I think I am gay. I know that he would never accept it, and he would be terribly ashamed of me. I think my Mom would be alright, but I don’t know how to tell my Dad. I am thinking about leaving to live with relatives in Europe. I cannot sleep and focus on school at all. I cannot hide who I am anymore, and it hurts, but I really need to go. Are you o.k with this?

Alec

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Dear Alec,

You are one brave soldier, but you do not give yourself enough credit. YOU should not be the one to be ashamed of anything, and least of all to leave your family, your friends, your country, for crying out loud. Give your Dad some credit here. If he loves you, (and I am sure that he does,) then he must accept you for the great boy that you are. You are obviously affectionate, bright, and willing to “save your Dad” to live with relatives abroad. Wait a darn second. It is your Dad who must and will deal with your “new identity.” It may be difficult for him, but he will adjust and still love you! You must be true to yourself, and be who
you are and need to be. I have known people who tried to be someone else, based on their families’ opinions and expectations. They are never happy, and consequently, neither are their families. Can you project to 70 years from now, that you wasted your life as an impostor, a phony, a fake? This is NOT a rehearsal, pal, this is the real deal – it’s called LIFE — It is YOUR LIFE- Just LIVE IT!!!

PS- I was engaged, and married after losing a sibling some years ago. I realize now that my reasons for this were not out of love (for my ex-wife) but for my family.
It did NOT take!!!

A Man– Keep me posted– I am always here (at least until the grim reaper arrives.)

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