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Good Grief: Punishment for Father’s Good Deeds Are Daughters’ Greed

Thu April 01 2010 5:05 pm
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Dear Paul B,

I have no question here, just need to state my case. I have suffered many losses in my life. I have lost 4 brothers, two sisters, both my parents. I have buried a son (who has killed in Viet-Nam) and two “great friends.” This is not the source of my heart-ache however. My two daughters who live locally are less than helpful. I raised them, sent them to school (one of them to college) and gave of myself 100%. I will never know what I did to create such cold-hearted and selfish people. My wife was a giver as well, and I can remember these two “girls” fighting over her jewelry (which was nothing too elaborate) and her car when she passed seven years ago. When the car was sold, they both insisted that I split the proceeds with them, which I did (I was heart-broken and just gave in.) I have “lent” them a good portion of my savings and regret having done so, because I could have used it for myself. I am now 82 and my daughters can only pray that I don’t live too much longer, I just know it. When I need a ride or some assistance, one would think I am a total stranger asking for a hand out. These girls are my flesh and blood and I am forever hurt.

Not so Loving Dad,


Dear Ernest,

There are takers and givers in this world. You can clearly tell where I am going. You have, unwittingly, created these two takers. You are a wonderful man who probably never asked anything of your children until now. They are so accustomed to taking from you that you have created these two sponges, and it’s most likely too late for them to change. They must be in their late 40’s or so, and the harm has been done. No good deed goes unpunished, I always say. I think it is time for you to speak to them, one at a time, and tell them how you feel about your “relationship.” Under no uncertain terms should you give in to “their demands.” If they are without funds, that’s just too darn bad. You are old, perhaps not in the best of health and must manage with what little funds that they have left for you. I can only guarantee you that if you continue to help them financially, they will milk you dry. YOU don’t deserve that, and I sympathize with you over your dejection by these two leeches. One must demand respect from their offspring, and they have not been required to do so, until NOW!! Just do it!!

Paul B.


Advice is offered for general discussion. Any advice from a columnist or someone who has never actually met you is not guaranteed to be fit for your particular situation. While the advice might help send you in the right direction to find a solution to your problem, missing information or lack of specific dialogue might cause you harm, or delay a solution to your problem. Never use this advice as the sole replacement for advice from a physician, psychologist or other health professional or other professional. The information provided through any post or Ask Paul B! post is not a substitute for health, legal and other professional advice where specific facts and circumstances warrant additional personal attention. If any reader requires legal advice, health advice or other professional assistance, each reader should always consult his or her own legal, health professional, or other professional advisors and discuss the facts and circumstances that specifically apply to the user. Consider the topics discussed as a part of your overall experience for your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Don’t hesitate to get help when you might need professional help.

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