Sheryl Crow, Toilet Paper Squares, Global Warming and Alcohol Consumption

“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.”

— Sheryl Crow (sherylcrow.com)

Sheryl’s quote was published on her blog on 4/20/2007.  She added:

Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit,  except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who’s judgement I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, “how bout just washing the one square out.”

Later in Sheryl Crow’s blog post is mention of some great times with some schools, including colorful posters decorating the gym … hmmmm … how many squares of toilet paper could you get out of all those colorful posters?

Yesterday, we played 2 shows…one at a high school in Springfield, Tennessee, and one in the evening on the Vanderbilt campus. The Springfield student body decorated the gym with bright, colorful posters of support for solving the problem of global warming and even the mayor made a very inspired speech ending with a presentation to Laurie and I with the keys to the city of Springfield. So sweet!  What a great day with the high school show being filmed by Channel One. It will go out to 7 million kids in the classroom setting across the States this Friday.  That’s some serious outreach.

Consider Sheryl Crow’s touring requirements:
Sheryl Crow is apparently very particular about details and requirements on her performance contract, which has day-to-day instructions on what kind of alcohol should be available each day:

Monday? One bottle of Makers Mark Bourbon
Tuesday? Bombay.
Wednesday? One bottle of Courvosier Brandy
Thursday? One bottle of good quality Champagne
Friday? One bottle Silver Tequila and one bottle of Margarita mix and one carton of orange juice
Saturday? One bottle of Absolut Vodka and one carton of orange juice.
Sunday? One bottle Silver Tequila and one bottle of Margarita mix and one carton of orange juice

Also for every show Sheryl Crow and her entourage requires 12 bottles of Grolsch beer, 6 bottles of “local” beer, and a bottle each of “good Australian Cabernet” and a “good Merlot.”

Does someone who is so demanding with her alcohol requirements really think she can demand all of us non-celebrities to limit our squares of toilet paper? Considering the effects of alcohol on the gastrointestinal system, most would find it difficult to believe that Sheryl herself can limit the task at hand to one square of toilet paper. Chronic diarrhea can be caused by chronic ethanol ingestion [1]. Consumption of alcohol affects the body’s capability to absorb water – this is often a symptom that accompanies a hangover after a heavy drinking session. The alcohol itself is absorbed in the intestines and as the intestinal cells absorb it, the toxicity causes these cells to lose their ability to absorb water. This leads to an outpouring of fluid from the intestinal lining, which is in turn poorly absorbed. The diarrhea usually lasts for several hours until the alcohol is detoxified and removed from the digestive system. Symptoms range from person to person and are influenced by both the amount consumed as well as physiological differences. Alcohol-induced diarrhea is often accompanied by “the follow through” where a feeling that the patient is going to break wind (flatuence) instead becomes an uncontrolled episode of diarrhea. See also ‘shart‘ and ‘cake batter‘ on UrbanDictionary.com.

The global warming activist and her touring entourage (and equipment) travels in three tractor trailers, four buses, and six cars.

 

1. Kasper DL, Braunwald E, Fauci AS, Hauser SL, Longo DL, Jameson JL. Harrison’s Principles of Medicine New York: McGraw-Hill, 2005. ISBN 0-07-139140-1.

Keyword: Sheryl Crowe, Cheryl Crowe